Have you ever experienced a rejection? It could be a rejection from the job you applied for or the school or scholarship you used to. You may have or are now confronted with denials in your life. As human beings, we might be frustrated, feel inconsequential, lack confidence, and lose motivation to keep on going when we encounter denials, rejections, and failures. But does every denial have to be negative?
In today's piece, Mozart Brang, a Parami's undergraduate student who is a member of a student-led club called EvolveMinds, explores denial and ways to deal with it.
So, what is denial? Denial simply means "not allowed." You are not allowed to participate; you are rejected.
Let's go back to our childhood experience.
Imagine you wanted to eat a "sweet snack," maybe a lollipop, but your mom did not let you eat. You were not allowed to eat; the reason was that you were sick and feeling unwell. Maybe you were coughing at that time. Then, does that kind of rejection sound bad? Obviously not, because it is all about your health.
As a kid, you did not understand; you just wanted to eat. You might have been crying. The same principle applies to your adult life and your whole life. Not every denial has to be negative; some can be seen as a lesson you could learn from.
How do we deal with denial?
Be mindful
Frustration is normal; however, obsessively focusing on that failure will not help. If you were rejected from a scholarship, that does not mean you were not qualified; the reason you were left behind might have been due to a large volume of competent and competitive applicants. Sometimes, the selection committee may have had difficulty deciding who to choose. One month later, you will not feel as bad as the day you were rejected.
Reflect on your experience
You may reflect on your failure to "why," and you may see small areas of weakness and mistakes that you did not see before.
Consider the moment you were rejected despite your thoughts that you were a well-deserved candidate, an eligible applicant, or sounded very confident.
Think about something you got enlightened when you reflect on that experience. Sometimes, you might be thankful for not being selected for a position you applied for; only you know!
Sometimes, we desire and are willing to do something to reach our destination. Still, our actions and how we try to grab that opportunity might be wrong.
Confucius once said, "When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals; adjust the action steps."
We should be mindful of this, and why not equip ourselves with some readjustment and develop a newly updated version? Why not try to update ourselves until we cannot be rejected anymore?
We will not let failure define us and are responsible for showing what we will do next time.
Stay ambitious
Let's go back to childhood again. You were not allowed to eat the lollipop because you were sick. But when you feel better and in good health again, your mom will let you eat the sweet because you genuinely want it. At the same time, you are required to stay healthy. You will be allowed; you will shine. Keep your ambitions! Be patient, and try to understand denials as they have something unique for you.
Comments